Burning from within

hello all.
It's been a long time since i posted anything on this blog. today i feel like sharing something. I hope i can keep it up.
i mediated today on the story of the two disciples to Emmaus. what really struck me in this account, is how the two disciples, after experiencing jesus in their midst, left Jerusalem, filled with sadness, looking downcast. they were sad because of lost hopes, shattered dreams. they thought jesus would be the One. they were still mourning over things lost in the fire. they were so sad that they could not notice the presence of the pilgrim beside them. But what the risen jesus was really amazing. he made them remember their story anew from a different perspective. he instilled fire in their hearts. he made them realize that like him, his disciples' lives MUST be taken, blessed, broken and given for all.
this year has been very different for me. since early in my vocation, i encountered sad disciples, missionaries, religious, priests, lay, you name it. people who grew sad and breathed sadness. they have grown bitter, because of lost hopes and shattered dreams. people who stayed because that was the only life they knew. don't be mistaken, i have also met a lot of people who were truly happy in their vocations. but since then, i vowed i would a different missionary. i decided not to breath in such sadness and bitterness, which are contegious. i decided i would be who i am, a paschal person, one filled with easter joy. well, lately, some of the happenings of this year have been taking a toll on me. i started filling that emmaus bitterness and sadness. i started remembering some the lost dreams and shattered hopes. and for lent, i chose as my lenten guiding theme, "ARISE FROM MY ASHES." when what i got from the emmaus story is that, i am not meant to be sad. i am made for joy. i realized that what i did consider lost dreams and shattered hopes were actually purified dreams and transformed hopes. i realized that my true and inner-outer joy was to offer my life to be taken, blessed, broken and shared. it is this ideal and experience of christ in my life that enkindled the fire in my heart. with these recent happenings, i realized that cold was invading my heart and bones. jesus is the fire shut up in my bones; jesus is the burning inside my heart. i need to keep my eyes fixed on him, and him alone. in jesus, actually, my deepest dreams and my profound hopes are fullfilled because they are blessed, broken and shared. this is now the source of joy for me, the paschal joy. to know that the love of christ in burning inside of me. i feel now like a furnace. ohohoh, is it just me, or it's really hot in here!